Elizabeth Bishop, Ph.D. Interviews Michele Lewis,
author of Reaching Out from the Inside
Thursday, March 15, 4 PM

EB: I want to hear about your metaphysical experiences that led you to write your wonderful book. What's the title?
ML: It's called Reaching Out from the Inside…

EB: And why this title? Why the inside?
ML: Well, this book is based upon a true story, and there came a moment when I was reflecting about my journey up to that point. I was sitting in a restaurant, journaling… thinking about how much I had changed, how I had experienced a transformation of consciousness…
I felt a longing to honor it somehow, like Native Americans sometimes do… change my name or perform some ritual to mark the process, because I was no longer the same person. While I was thinking about this and the book I was writing, one of my favorite songs came on. It was Peter Gabriel's, "In Your Eyes."

EB: Do you like Peter Gabriel' music? Does it speak to you?
ML: Absolutely. In this song is a line, "…without a noise, without my pride/I reach out from the inside." I have always been touched by those words, and that day it struck me in particular. He sings, "Oh, I want to be that complete." There is such a longing in that song; it spoke to me.

EB: There is a kind of paradox or contrast in the idea of inside and outside. Was that intentional?
ML: Certainly. This is a book about a journey toward spiritual wholeness, toward integrating life's difficult lessons, so that the paradoxes no longer seem contradictory, but part of a larger whole. Outside/inside, good/bad-like yin and yang, it's all contained within the circle representing oneness, wholeness, inclusion. Gabriel's song suggests a love relationship, yet, for me, it was almost a relationship with a higher self that I was connecting to.

EB: One of the chapters in your book is entitled, "The River and Mare." In that scene, you captured an experience with a power almost beyond yourself. It was one of the more spiritual parts of the book. What was it like writing about that?
ML: That experience was a very important healing moment for me. The stuff with my brother and the scandal at school left me feeling oppressed and sad, weighted. In the river, diving down into the depths, I practiced surrendering. I went with the flow of the river, virtually lost my self, and experienced a oneness that was very peaceful and liberating.

EB: In your book, you tackled a very difficult subject, a few difficult subjects. Can you talk about how you jumped into it emotionally and literarily? How did you handle the trauma? Did you start thinking I'm going to deal with this, and then construct a story around it to make it credible, because it's fictional autobiography, right? Partially based on your own story.
ML: Yes. It's based upon a true story. My brother was really accused of these crimes. So, of course, I was involved, and not just in that scandal but a handful of other community scandals, too-I'm not sure how I managed that. Because of all this, I experienced a dark night of the soul-a psychological crisis.

EB: What made you decide to fictionalize it a little bit here and there?
ML: I fictionalized the story, primarily by changing names and tweaking the timing of certain events. Real people were involved in this story, so changing the names helped to bring it from the specific to the more universal. It added a dimension of texture to the narrative. I did ask-how can I relate my story, my transformation, AND respect the privacy of those involved as much as possible? The characters are integral to my story, and yet, I wanted to protect the young people involved and my friends and family as much as possible, without compromising the essence of the experiences that altered me.

EB: I know a lot of this story is true, but it does read like a novel. Why do you think people will be drawn to this book?
ML: I think in a lot of ways, Reaching Out from the Inside is a universal story. You can plug in most people's life experiences, and though the details and struggles will be different, the lessons are universal. There's something almost mythic about the patterns involved, and that's why I wrote it.

EB: I know you are a teacher. What effect did teaching have on your approach to this story?
ML: Yes, for the last eleven years or so, I've been teaching high school English in Maine and Colorado. I noticed while I was teaching works like The Odyssey, that I was walking a similar road of trials. It was a path of initiation into inner realms. These challenges, these struggles, this pain… behind them is a wonder. Behind them is a fabulous gift. But you won't find those gifts if you are coming from a place of victim-hood. For me, it was a lesson of self-responsibility and gratitude. I couldn't help but examine my way of thinking and being.

EB: So, what did you feel was the biggest challenge in writing the work?
ML: It was difficult to relive some of the more painful emotional experiences. However, I felt I had to return to that place, mentally and emotionally, so I could recreate it on the page. As a result, there are scenes that are very moving. Once I put those episodes down on paper, it was cathartic. I didn't have to carry them around anymore. I preserved their value, and yet, I was able to release them. Closure and healing came in those final days of writing. During the journey, the question I held in front of me at every crisis was: what am I supposed to learn from this? Behind it all, I felt there was some purpose. Ultimately that purpose was to evolve myself and share the gifts of the experience with others that they might recognize the opportunities hidden within life's struggles.

EB: It sounds like you felt called to write this story. What about the metaphysical side of being called.
ML: Yes. I almost didn't have a choice. I was compelled to write this. One of the more metaphysical aspects of the book is the dreams. About half way through the book, I started having some important dreams that began to teach me about myself and the nature of reality. So, I was paying close attention to my dreams.
After a while, I noticed that even random strangers would pop up in my dreams and ask, "So when are you going to write that book?" Maybe they were guides. Regardless, there was no avoiding it. In fact, it was around that time that I quit teaching for a year, cashed in my retirement, and wrote the first draft. The story haunted me until I got it down on paper. Giving the story written form set it free, and me along with it. I lived it, so I could tell it. That is the purpose that became clear to me during the writing.

EB: That's interesting, and it is a story that is likely to have a powerful impact on readers. Tell me, why write in the third person? Many memoirs are written in the first-person. How does that choice change things?
ML: In the early stages of the writing process, I was skimming a book by James Frey called How to Write a Damn Good Novel. I know he's endured some of his own controversies since then, but he recommended third-person point of view for novels. I considered how that perspective would affect my own writing. I didn't want my character's story to be so ego-centric as first-person would have to reflect. During the time of trials, my protagonist, Mare Lumen, didn't always understand what was happening to her and how she was processing it.
A third-person narrator allowed for some distance. The narrator follows her perspective, but stands back more objectively and recognizes a broader context-beyond the life of one woman. An outside narrator, who might not have so much invested in the moment, could review what had happened in a more neutral, wise and compassionate manner. It allowed me to get out of my own way, because, in a sense, I had to step out of the drama to make meaning of it all. So, the narration acted almost as a mirror for my own process of stretching outside the concerns of my ego self.

EB: Did anyone involved in the story have a problem with you writing it? How did your brother feel about it all?
ML: My brother was anxious for me to write it. In the beginning, he tried to write his perspective on the story. I think that was hard for him, and though he reflected a lot on it, I think it will be easier for readers to follow the story from my point of view, because his is rather foreign to most, as it was to me. My character is close to him and loves him, yet she struggles a great deal with what happened-with her own anger and feelings of betrayal. So it is easier for readers to walk in Mare's shoes and look at it all. It is easier for them to relate to her. My brother was interested in reading about the experience from my point of view, because he understood that it would be different from his own.
Like me, he wanted to get kind of a cubist perspective on the experiences. Even though, we were both there during some of these "adventures," we certainly had different filters or lenses that we were looking through. Therefore, they are naturally different stories. Though my brother is a catalyst for change in the story, the story is about Mare… about her/my transformation. The events of Seth's life contributed to those changes; however, Mare's story diverges from his and expands beyond that in myriad ways.
My mother also had some struggles with me disclosing some of the more personal episodes. I tried to explain to her that they were critical to understanding Mare's character, her extreme reaction to it all. Perhaps, too, it would shine light on aspects of Seth's character that might help others in a similar predicament. In the end, she's behind my writing.

EB: Did you want to get even with any of the characters when you first started writing the book?
ML: No, I don't think I ever had that in mind. I never blamed anyone else for what happened to us… to me. In fact, I think that is one of the interesting things about Reaching Out from the Inside. Oh, I experienced anger-towards the police and the media for sensationalizing things so much, towards my brother and others, at times… but as awareness expands, compassion grows. By the end of the book, there really aren't any "bad" guys. Earlier in the book, we might have an aversion to certain characters or prefer others. Naturally, I'm most sympathetic to my perspective. However, by the end, each character is revealed and explored as a human being, and it becomes harder to call any one character evil. If there was any doubt about that while I was writing, it was certainly clear by the time I finished. We are, in essence, brothers and sisters within the human race. Symbolically, Seth and Mare can represent that greater relationship.

EB: What was your purpose in writing this book? At one point in the book, Mare says, "I've learned that… I have nothing to hide. I don't need to be ashamed about the qualities that make me human, and I don't need to hold them close and keep them secret."
ML: It was important to me to tell the truth of the story to the best of my ability, including some of those things that were more difficult to relate, not just about others, but about myself, too. Not all of our thoughts and actions are pretty. If I had changed things to suit my mother or anyone else, I would have been hiding a part of it. One of the messages of the book is: let's take off the masks and get real with one another!
If we are going to learn to accept all of ourselves and each other, honesty is critical. We don't need to lie. We don't need to hide. What if we really could learn to accept the yin and the yang of ourselves? In the story, I learned a lot about where my judgments got me. I chose another path, after much soul-searching.
I learned to be grateful for all of my experiences. I learned to have compassion for myself and others, even those people I thought were so different from me. In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke pulls off Darth Vader's mask in the cave, and he finds his own face. I had a similar epiphany. No one is all bad or all good. Life is much more complex and fascinating than that.